Kissing a smoker tastes like dying
by munchkinjenny05
Summary: AU-It's no surprise that Katie and Mini became best friends, they were two girls cut from the same cloth, what was startling was that for all their shared experiences, the parallels between their girlfriends bonded them deepest. As it turned out, loving Effy and Franky was like navigating a vast sea and they needed each other more than they'd ever expected in order to stay afloat.


**A/N: This has been in my thoughts since series 5 ended but I could never get the abstract ideas together until now. I wrote this for myself, because I have a special place in my heart for all 4 characters, but I decided to share it as I'm intrigued to see if I was alone in recognising the parallels and the potential of these pairings. I guess I just felt like (series 6 aside) Mini's confusion and the pull she felt towards Franky, would be a feeling that Katie could relate to, and this story grew from that notion. **

**Let me know what you think, I've left the ending ambiguous enough for another dive into this universe if anyone is interested.**

It had been a year since Katie had officially claimed the small chest of drawers in Effy's room (and half the wardrobe, but who was counting). They both knew how big a deal it was, taking that piece of territory as hers, akin to moving in, but they'd never say. It went uncelebrated too; because Effy didn't do anniversaries, save for one, and mentioning that date made the girl cry for days whilst the jealousy and hopelessness clawed at Katie's insides. The truth was, she could never compete with a dead boy. All the same, she wanted to mark it somehow, use an unspoken signal that she was ready for change. Wasn't autumn the season for transformation anyway, or did she have that wrong? She bought a box of hair dye, 'vibrant violet' the packet said, and held her breath. It was on special offer and purple was her girlfriend's favourite colour, how many more incentives did she need. It didn't take long and as she scrutinised it, she found that she didn't miss her 'rebel red' at all.

Normally Katie would have been furious that it didn't turn out as promised, but when the shade opted to be more deep brown, she was secretly thrilled. With her loose curls, she and Effy almost matched. That had to be fate, as did the fact that her new hair did in fact embody a slightly purple hue in the light. She refused to believe that it was coincident that it shone brightest in the moonlight as she walked. It was a time when the other girl, famously nocturnal, despite all her pills claims to fix that, came to life. So she grinned with every step, it felt good to be a mirror image of someone other than Emily, it felt right. Her actions spoke of really moving on.

Unfortunately her girlfriend experienced no such reaction when faced with the transformation. Effy's fingers twisted forcefully around the strands when they kissed as though nothing had changed. The girl didn't say how well it suited her or anything at all. There were no smiles or compliments. She should have been used to the disappointment by now, silence was commonplace after all, but that day it was too much. Katie ran to her best friend, certain that she would know what to do and all the right words to offer. After all, the blonde was no stranger to the sting of under appreciation, she had been both on the receiving end and the side that dished it out, and therefore whilst she couldn't get inside Effy's head (no-one could and god knows Katie had tried), she would give her a useful perspective.

Mini had the kettle boiling when she got there, as though she'd been waiting. "Come in, babes." She too sounded tired, worn away. It was no surprise. The girl had her own Elizabeth in the form of Francesca Fitzgerald, of course she understood; she was fighting her own daily battles in the name of love. It was funny that when they'd met, that day in July and quickly bonded over all the parallels in their lives, that the one thing that deepened their connection above everything else they had in common would be the shared similarities between their girlfriends. You couldn't have told the Katie from years ago that she'd spend her days navigating the dramas of either Effy or Franky respectively, not the carefree girl who had stood in the sunshine at that bus stop intrigued by the sight of apparently the only other person in Bristol who comprehended the meaning of high end fashion, she wouldn't have believed you. Yet here they were, two best friends, clinging to each other like drowning victims.

Nothing cemented a friendship like a drunken cry, some man-hate and heart break, but Katie never imagined, when they'd originally laughed over all the boys they'd toyed with, exclaiming that 'all was fair in love and war' that they'd end up like this. It was no fun to be a casualty, even if you did have a sister in arms to turn to. The first night that they had ever talked about it, commiserating over a bottle of wine, Katie had been alarmed by all the ways that the choices of the younger girl echoed hers. They'd both assumed that dating another girl would make their love lives easier, picturing an ease in communication, neither having to draw blood out of a stone in their quest to get their other half to talk. Things would be simpler, more heartfelt and romantic, that was their idealised view. Yet they'd discovered, almost simultaneously in fact, that dating a girl was just like dating a guy, and not only that, they had unwittingly screwed themselves by falling for the most difficult women they could find. "Do we have a saviour complex?" she'd asked then and they'd both laughed though it wasn't remotely funny, just to spare themselves the tears.

Fast forwarding, now she whispered a question that was no less terrifying. "Do we deserve this?"

Mini shrugged, her whole body seeming to sag along with it. "Maybe what we should actually be asking is, do they? I mean, I never wanted to be the nagging girlfriend. This can't be a picnic for them either."

"Oh god, is it inevitable that I'm becoming my mother?"

"Don't! I already have to put up with your snoring, do you want me to have nightmares as well!" It was cheap shot and an effortless attempt at a change of subject.

Katie grinned sarcastically. "I don't have to stay, I'm sure I could find a better offer."

"Going back to Effy with your tail between your legs, I don't think so. Even I'm not enough of a cow to let you do that." In one sentence they were brought swiftly back to reality. Katie had nowhere else to go and whilst she adored her friend and was aware of how lucky she was to have her, she didn't feel very comforted right then. With a final sigh, the blonde got up, highlighting that bedtime was looming. "Oh, and by the way, your hair looks gorgeous." Mini replied softly, her hand lingering over Katie's as she took the mug away.

…**..**

It was the blonde's turn to seek refuge next. She arrived at Katie's doorstep, bags in hand, a vision of battered heels and ruined mascara. The girl revealed that Sunday dinner had escalated until the usual simmering tension went from snide bickering to the threat of violence. Everybody had nearly come to blows and Mini had been forced to step in to stop her mother and her girlfriend hitting each other. It wasn't the only time the two volatile women had clashed, but it was certainly the closest they had come to flirting with genuine disaster, leaving the blonde stricken and without anywhere else to turn. Once Franky had stormed out, the other girl came straight to the flat. She was welcomed in by the sorrowful creak of timbers, the building even sounding apologetic for her dire predicament. "I'm so sick of this."

It wasn't the neither the first nor the thousandth time Katie had heard that exact phrase. She didn't want to ask what her friend was going to do next because that phrase hit a little close to home and if fired back, she had no idea what her own response would be. All the same, Mini was waiting, so she had to say something. "Does this mean you're done?" She finally blurted out, her curiosity winning out over her fear.

The other girl stared at her forlornly. "I'm already depressed, what kind of question is that?"

"A rational one." Mini bit her lip and Katie abandoned the diced veg that she had been working on. The blonde turned her attention to the peeler, she didn't mean anything by the gesture, but the brunette was immediately reminded of Effy, transported back to her own brush with terror.

The first time she hadn't seen anything, Freddie had been there to deal with that attempt and back then she'd assumed that her imagination was worse, she thought that nothing could be crueller than the pictures her mind conjured as she waited in the hospital corridor, but then the torch was passed. Exactly 2 months after her 18th birthday Katie realised at long last what everybody meant when they said that growing up meant losing things. The girl had almost slipped away again, on her watch. Adulthood hit in a rush of blood and sirens. She'd never known responsibility until she held a fading pulse in her hands. Nevertheless the brunette risen to it, not falling apart until later, alone on her knees in that cubicle, harshly illuminated as she let go of all her panic. Like the pools of blood, Katie thought the strings bile would never stop flowing out of her. It made her ache, remembering.

Strangely enough though, out of all the haunting fragments of that day, the one that stuck with her was how, before it happened, Katie had been admiring the curve of the other girl's wrist sleepily. It made her happy that the veins stood out proudly, marbling the pale skin, because it was a reminder that in spite of everything, Effy was alive. For all her silence and apathy, Katie could have been tricked into believing that the girl was a life-size porcelain doll, so similar to the childhood toys that she loathed to share with Emily. She'd been smiling when it occurred, about to walk though the bathroom door, hoping to catch her girlfriend's eye in the bathroom mirror. Her plan had been that they'd shower together before she had to leave for her shift. Instead, she noticed that Effy wrists looked like she was keeping some sick tally, creating a second gaping line to the left of the first. She'd screamed her name, but whether any sound actually came out, Katie had no clue.

Mini's awareness of where her friend had drifted off to clicked in suddenly, and she blanched. "Oh god, I'm sorry, I didn't mean…I wasn't…" She stammered awkwardly.

"It's okay, you shouldn't have to apologise for my baggage. It's just that it still feels like yesterday sometimes, and it's hard to let go. I didn't mean to imply anything."

"Franks makes me feel desperate, frantic even, sure, but…" It was easier to trail off.

Arms wrapped around Katie. "Hey, I'm supposed to be comforting you!" the small brunette protested. "Am I am crap friend, or what?"

"You're mint and you know it." The other girl fired back with a genuine smirk. "Besides, the truth is, I don't know the answer to your question. I just don't see how we could possibly get engaged with her at my mother's throat and vice versa, especially when that is just the tip of the iceberg."

Brown eyes widened comically. "Ummmm….Mins, you do realise that you just threw out the M word, right?"

Freckled cheeks coloured and the blonde looked away bashfully. "I'm getting ahead of myself obviously, but isn't that how it's supposed to go when you love someone, marriage, kids, the big house in the suburbs?"

"There are other kinds of fairytales, though."

"Do you really believe that or are you just saying it so I'll pull myself together and stop moping around your kitchen?"

"I mean it." Katie grinned. "For one thing, you could move in here, we could get hundreds of cats, live in slippers and put Celine Dion's playlist on repeat. Spinsterhood might suit us."

"K, if you want me all to yourself, you only have to ask."

"Gross! No thanks, I know where you've been!" She replied with a grimace.

"You aren't funny."

"Is that so, then why can I see a smirk on your face?"

"It's not; it's a scowl, big difference." Mini retorted smugly. "And just so you know, the chicken is burning."

She shrugged. "Fuck the chicken; you've given me an idea."

It was a bit of a trek and the traffic was murderous that time of the evening, but she didn't care, knowing that Mini would adore the surprise. She was in a much better mood suddenly, feeling happy enough to put up with the babbling and wrong guesses from the girl at her side. "Are we there yet?"

The brunette ignored the petulant whining for as long as she could. "Yes actually." She finally stated, getting out of the car triumphantly. Once inside her childhood home, the girl made a bee-line to the first door on the right. It didn't matter, the house was dark and empty as usual so there was nobody to disturb. James technically still lived there but he treated the place like a hotel, only stopping in for showers and hot meals and it was difficult to blame him when their parents were always working. Katie opened the door slowly, eager to see her best friend's face light up when she connected the dots. "This is all that remains of 'Let's get Fitched' and tonight we've using this room as our own personal boutique, so get rummaging those boxes are full of bridal samples."

She didn't have to tell the blonde twice. "I feel like I'm 5 years old again. Fancy dress really does cure everything!" Mini squealed, a vision in ivory lace.

"See? I'm better than a fairy godmother, you wanted a taste of happy ever afters…" The brunette paused to rest a tiara atop blonde curls. "and I've gone one better, making you look and feel a million dollars in 30 minutes or less."

Mini nodded. "You do have a flair for this. I'm actually debating wearing this home in fact; it's so pretty that I don't think, in good conscience, I can ever take it off."

"The taxi drivers might give you some funny looks."

The blonde just smiled, taking Katie's hand and twirling her around. "I'll just tell them I'm a runaway bride and that you're my secret lover, I couldn't take anymore and so now we're running off into the sunset together." Hysterical giggles erupted from them both at that suggestion and ultimately Mini fell to the floor like a collapsed meringue.

Moments later, her chest still heaving, the brunette tossed a pale blue garter in her friend's direction. "That was good, you should write for Mills and Boon." For her efforts at wit, Katie was subjected to a playful punch and a sticky-out tongue, the image was so at odds to the ladylike attire that she couldn't help sniggering again.

Mini broke through the hysteria with a look. "Thanks, K, I needed this."

"Any time." She murmured quietly, taking one final mental snapshot of the other girl before the dress was packed anyway again. "By the way, you really do look beautiful."

…**..**

It was a couple of weeks before Katie saw Mini again. Work had gotten hectic and when Effy surprised her with a trip to Cardiff to see her brother, she wasn't about to refuse. However as soon as she got back, one glance told her that she should have stuck to her guns and insisted on updates from her friend. The blonde looked destroyed. Neither girl said anything, there was no need. There could only be one cause. "I'm sorry I wasn't here." The taller girl curled up into her waiting arms, resuming as position that was as close as she could get to foetal without lying down.

Mini's sobs didn't remotely resemble words but to Katie, they sounded like, "I broke up with her; make sure you tell people that." The brunette smiled grimly, it was typical Mcguinness.

She guided her to the sofa, pulling her more securely into her lap. "I promise." The brunette whispered, stroking the other girl's hair. She left Mini sipping sugary tea whilst she took it upon herself to text Effy about her plan and warned her in case Franky came knocking. The escape was concocted quickly, on the spur of the moment, but it felt like the right idea anyway.

She ended up taking Mini back to her old house as soon as she was physically able to pour her into the passenger seat. It seemed like a wise move, distance was what the girl needed and there was no danger that her now ex-girlfriend could find her there. When they arrived, the house was cold and the blonde was shell-shocked so creating an island on her bed comprised of every blanket she could find seemed the next logical step. After that, there was nothing to do but try and soothe, hold her tongue against the questions and just be patient. As hard as it was to wait, Katie had to let her friend give her the story in pieces. It was as she had predicted that day in the kitchen; Mini simply couldn't take anymore. It was over. Katie took a deep breath as she processed the facts; though it was undoubtedly for the best, for as long as she'd known the blonde there had been Franky. It was the end of an era. "I know it hurts, but you did the right thing."

"I know." She didn't think anything of Mini leaning into her, they were pressed together so tightly anyway, for both warmth and comfort, and given that she wasn't good with words like Emily, hugs and reassuring physical contact was the least she could do. Katie squeezed the other girl's hand and the blonde smiled tentatively. It felt like a small victory so she grinned back.

The kiss was so unexpected that it was hard to focus on anything. By the time the brunette had figured out what was happening, Mini had broken away, ending the gentle brush of their lips. Nonetheless, Katie registered that her friend's lips were the softest that had ever met her own, and her senses were overrun by the silkiness of lip-gloss and an underlying taste of peppermint. On the one hand, it felt nice to have that contrast, for someone's mouth not to be filled with the lingering remnants of stale smoke, but similarly without that it felt like something was missing. "I'm with Effy." She shouldn't have had to spell it out in black and white, not to her, and doing so etched shame across her face. She wondered if she had lead the girl on, desperately trying to think back as her brain struggled to convince her that she was reading too much into an innocent second of weakness on the part of her heartbroken friend. Maybe it was just an extension of the consolation she needed, after all, she herself had done worse during the times she felt at her most desolate, hadn't she?

"She doesn't make you happy though, does she?"

"It's not that simple."

"It could be." Mini sighed. "Come on, K, how many times have you come to me in tears because of her."

"You're my best friend, it's your job to listen to me bitching about my problems, but that doesn't mean you have the whole picture. You don't see everything, all the good…"

The other girl was resolute, that much was easy to read. "I'm not going to say sorry because what you said about another kind of fairytale, I believe it. You made me realise that I wanted more, that I deserve it and I want to do that for you, I'm trying. I'm not saying it's us together, that's not what I… but we both deserve more, Katie."

The brunette didn't know how to reply. She was at a loss to verbalise all the ways that she already had everything she'd always wished for and in her present mindset, she doubted that her friend would believe that she and Effy made each other complete. Mini was feeling too bitter to hear that, truth or lie. It wasn't perfect, but she'd learnt long ago that nothing in life was, and if you got within touching distance of such a feeling, it was worth fighting for. "With respect, you don't get it."

"Don't I? You don't owe her anything. I mean, come on, you're her girlfriend not her fucking nurse, it's not your job to save her."

"You're upset right now so I'll do you the courtesy of not slapping you, but I have to tell you that you've never been more wrong. Effy's not the only broken one, you idiot! She saved me too. One of the first things she ever taught me was that it's okay not to be okay. I don't know who, or where, I'd be without her."

An awkward silence fell. The blonde was speechless. "Shit, I…Can we start again from when we walked in the door; chalk this up to temporary insanity or transference?"

Katie nodded tentatively. "I guess we can, what else are friends for anyway?" Their eyes locked and relief flooded both. "Oh and Mini, one more thing, I do love you, just not like _that_."

The other girl didn't miss a beat, smirking, she countered, "Right back at you, _Kathryn_."


End file.
